How to Annoy Kurogane
by Luddles
Summary: Annoying Kurogane. It's what Fai does best! And now, the author of this fanfiction is here to take you along on our wild tales of bothering everyone's favorite ninja! No pairings, only prankings!
1. Introduction

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa**

**Introduction**

It all started one quiet afternoon in my house. It was a while after I'd met the Tsubasa characters and decided to bring them to my world via fanfiction, and I was sitting on my bed being bored. And then I thought, _"There are five animie characters in my house and I'm sitting up here being BORED!? There has got to be something wrong with me." _A knock on my door told me that someone was there.

"Who is it?" I called my usual question before letting someone inside.

"Fai," said Fai. I smiled; glad to hear that Fai had figured out which room was mine. The sign on my door said my name in Japanese, and I knew for a fact that he couldn't read Japanese. Because I had been so distracted, I forgot to answer him. "This is Asuka's room, right?" he asked, and I laughed.

"You can come in, Fai! What were you going to do, wait out there all day?" I said. He walked in the door and looked around at my room. It wasn't the neatest room in the world, but not the messiest. I knew where everything was, even if it was just in a random place that seemed ever so insignificant. Fai brushed his hair out of his eyes with one hand and leaned over to look at the story I was typing. But it was about him! I couldn't let him see it, no way, no how!

"Hm. I can't read your language," he said. "Anyway, I came up here to ask you something."

"What?" I said.

"You know those fanfictions you write? I think you should write some about our adventures with you," he suggested. I smiled.

"I think that just might work," I said, already trying to think up a title. "What should I call it?"

"The Adventures of Mokona the Awesome!" shouted Mokona, who had been eavesdropping. Fai picked up the white rabbit-like creature and stroked its head. He laughed.

"Nice suggestion, Mokona, but let's try to think of something that encompasses the point of what Asuka's going to write about," he pointed out.

"I think I know," I said. "How to Annoy Kurogane. That's all we ever seem to be doing, anyway!"

We all agreed, and that's how this story came to be. We're going to be annoying Kurogane throughout the course of the story, so read the rest and laugh your socks off! Ooh, I wonder if we could steal his socks! By the way, Fai thought we should ask you what you think we should try next, so send in all suggestions you feel like suggesting! If they're inappropriate, though, Mokona won't like them and we therefore won't put them on here! Okay, bye!

**Fai: We are SO stealing Kuroku's socks.**

**Asuka: That was just a joke.**

**Fai: Oh. It was?**

**Kurogane: WHERE DID ALL MY SOCKS GO!?**


	2. Chapter 1: Fai has lost them

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa**

**Chapter One**

**Yes, Fai has lost them.**

No, not his brains! He lost all of Kurogane's socks! Remember the last chapter!? The sock stealing! Anyway, Fai hid them and we're STILL not sure where he put them. Kurogane has gotten pretty mad, but I think he'll survive. But if we don't find his socks, his feet are really going to stink. So he made US try to find them!

Fai and I were continuing on the search for Kurogane's socks. So far, we had dug up the big suspicious-looking pile of dirt where someone had buried something in the backyard only to find that it was supposed to be a fake pitchers' mound for my brother's baseball practice. After that, we searched in the garage while trying to avoid the giant spiders. I screamed and ran out the instant I saw one of them. Fai screamed and ran out after me. We decided not to look there anymore. Then we searched the bed of my dad's pickup truck and only found some hay (how did that get there?) and a few two-by-fours. Fearing the Kurogane would hit Fai with one of the two-by-fours, we got far away from there.

Eventually, Kurogane told us that we should probably try looking inside. We just laughed and obeyed him. Mokona was pretending to be a detective again and crawling up the walls looking for socks. It was almost the same as Volume 10 of the series, and it made me laugh, even though no one else quite got it. After that, we looked in the freezer. Actually, we just got some popsicles out of the freezer. Then, we looked under the sink. Fai wouldn't let my try to unscrew the pipes to look in them. I also looked in a manga. I wasn't looking for socks, though, I was looking for my favorite picture of Senri in +Anima.

Okay, so if you want to know why Fai stole all Kurogane's socks and hid them, it was in the last chapter, but I'll review it anyway. I told Fai that maybe we should steal Kurogane's socks in one chapter, and he took it literally. Anyway, for some reason, Fai couldn't remember where the socks were to save his life. And trust me, Kurogane was about to kill him, too.

"Come on, Fai," I said, looking over the top of my +Anima book. "Where did you hide his socks? I know you couldn't have forgotten!"

"Oh, I know where I hid them," he said. "But this fanfiction is called How to Annoy Kurogane, and I figured that hiding his socks and pretending to forget where they were would annoy him an awful lot." I nodded in agreement and understanding. Fai knew how to annoy people and he was GOOD at it.

"So, where did you hide Kuroku's extra socks?" I asked.

"Nowhere," said Fai. "He came from another world, Asuka, and he didn't bring a change of clothes with him."

"Wait, so…" I trailed off, confused.

"I stole the ones he was wearing while he was asleep," Fai explained. "That's why he's so mad."

"Then where did you hide them, Fai?" I demanded to know.

"The sock drawer," Fai laughed.

"I wonder how long it'll take him to figure it out," I mused.

Kurogane was the one eavesdropping this time. "HA!" he shouted, popping out from his secret ninja-y hiding place. "I know where you hid them!"

"Did I forget to mention that I hid them in your grandma's sock drawer when we were there last week?" Fai asked once Kurogane was gone. I shook my head.

"I don't think so," I said.

"So we don't have to tell him, then!" Fai concluded.

"Yep," I said evilly, and Fai stole my +Anima book.

"What is this, anyway?" he asked.

**Kurogane: GEEZ! It took me FOREVER to find those socks!**

**Asuka: Haha! Next chapter, I think we should… What should we do, Fai?**

**Fai: Well, we can… I can't say when Kurgy's standing right there!**

**Asuka: It'll just have to be a surprise!**


	3. Chapter 2: The Many Uses of Sharpies

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa. Or sharpies. **

**Chapter Two**

**The Many Uses of Sharpies**

Another boring afternoon set in front of me and Fai, and we were devastated. Outside it was dreary and pouring rain, and inside we had nothing to do. "Do you want to draw something?" Fai asked.

"No," I replied, because I had been drawing all day.

"Want to read manga?"

"No."

"Want to… write another chapter of How to Annoy Kurogane?"

My eyes brightened and I pointed my finger at the sky in a dramatic pose. "YES!" I shouted. "That is what we should do!" Fai hushed me by putting his hand over my mouth.

"Asuka-chan, you'll wake Kuro-rin, he's sleeping!" he whispered. I realized that Kurogane was snoring on the couch, and an evil/annoying idea popped into my head. They did tend to do that, anyway.

"Hehe… I just got me a plan," I said in a devious tone of voice. That was always the way I announced my plans. Fai didn't ask what my plan was, probably because I hadn't given him time to ask. The instant my plan was formulated, I ran into the kitchen and searched through my mother's kitchen drawer for her giant black sharpie. I pulled it out and held it up high, almost able to see the Ouran High School Host Club-like sparkles that emanate from odd objects in such a manner.

"What in the world do you plan on doing with that?" asked Fai. I giggled evilly and ran into the room where Kurogane was sleeping. Kurogane slept really hard, unlike Fai who would wake up if a leaf fell on the roof outside. I love hyperboles.

"I'm going to draw on Kuroku's FACE!" I shouted, and he laughed.

"Sounds great! I want to help!" he said, and then stole the marker from me.

"Why are YOU drawing on him, Fai? It was my idea!" I objected. He turned around, and I wondered why animie-ish music notes did not actually appear by his head all the time.

"Because, that way if he wakes up, he'll just chase me around! I'm better at dodging him than you are, anyway," he explained. I thought it was a good plan. Fai came up with pretty brilliant stuff sometimes. "Hey, go in the kitchen for a minute," he said. "I want to surprise you!"

I went into the kitchen to wait for Fai to finish drawing on Kurogane's face. When I was in the kitchen, I noticed the calendar. Then I noticed the date. It was… Kurogane was going on a date with Tomoyo today! How were we going to get the marker off!? It was permanent!

"Oh snap, oh snap, oh SNAP!" I hissed in worry. "He's going to whack us so hard… especially FAI!"

Fai, apparently, had heard me from in the living room. He poked his head in the door. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Kuro-tan has to go on a date with Tomoyo today!" I reminded him, and his eyes widened.

"He's gonna kill us," Fai sighed.

"Not necessarily…" I trailed off, thinking of a plan. "ARGH, I can't think of anything!" Fai grinned.

"Asuka Neko, I'm not a magician for nothing," he pointed out.

So, Fai erased the marker from Kurogane's face, which was a real shame because he had drawn a really nice moustache on him… Anyway, Kurogane woke up and went with Tomoyo to (big surprise) a Japanese restaurant! But the best part of it all was that I had gotten my digital camera and taken a picture of him with the marker on his face while he was still asleep!

**Fai: Somehow I've got the feeling that picture is going to end up on the internet. **

**Asuka: Wow, Fai, how did you know!?**

**Kurogane: What picture?**

**Asuka: A picture. That I took with a camera a while ago… when I was bored.**

**Kurogane: Thank you for being incredibly VAGUE!**


	4. Chapter 3: Fangirls? What

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa**

**Chapter Three**

**Fangirls? What're Those?**

I was sitting in my room, on my computer, looking up pictures of Tsubasa characters to stare at because I like Tsubasa characters. Not the point. Anyhow, Fai and Kurogane were there too, and I got a sudden shock when I looked up Fai.

"Whoa, MORE yaoi?" I shrieked in fear. Then I clicked that wonderful 'back' button and went back to somewhere that was not Kurogane and Fai yaoi. I really don't like yaoi.

"What did you just say?" Kurogane asked. "You know, some stuff you talk about is like a foreign language to me."

"Heh… never mind," I said sheepishly. I did not particularly want Fai and Kurogane to discover the yaoi about them, and I hoped they never would. It was a problem of epic proportions, and also a fail of epic proportions.

"Fai-san, your fangirls are insane," I sighed and fell over backwards onto my bed.

"What's a fangirl?" asked Fai. "May we use them to annoy Kurogane?"

"I'm pretty sure fangirls would annoy Kurogane, especially certain fangirls… but I don't think we should use them to annoy Kurogane," I sighed.

"They're not girls with fans, are they?" asked Fai.

I shook my head, and Kurogane rolled his eyes. "I think fangirls are fans of certain characters and they're girls," Kurogane guessed. "Meaning Asuka is a fangirl of you, Fai."

"Yeah… so we couldn't use them to annoy Kurogane," I concluded.

"Technically, if you're a fangirl, we have," Fai reasoned. "You annoy him all the time!"

"Yeah!" I squealed, and poked Kurogane. Needless to say, he nearly hit me in the face. While Kurogane was chasing me around, Fai was looking himself up on the computer once more.

**Asuka: Fai, will you stop it?**

**Fai: These 'fanfiction' things are funny!**

**Asuka: FAIII! STOP THAAT!**

**Fai: No, really, you have to read it!**

**Asuka: No, Fai, I do not have to read it.**


	5. Chapter 4: Kuro

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa. I also may not have the correct number of nicknames. There could be more. **

**Chapter Four**

**The Many Nicknames of Youou Kurogane**

"Hey, random fact, Kuro-tan," I said, wandering into the living room where Kurogane was trying to get Fai to stop talking by hitting him over the head with a pillow. I promptly snatched the pillow out of Kurogane's hands and set it back where it was supposed to go, and placed myself on the couch between them.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I wanted to notify you that you have over thirty nicknames," I said. Kurogane looked like he was wishing he still had the pillow so that he could hit me with it.

"Why do I care!?" he demanded in a voice that sounded like he cared very much. "I don't care at all how many stupid names you thought of, Asuka!"

"Oh, I didn't think of any of them, Kuro-myu," I said evilly.

"That would be me," said Fai, as he opened a random book that had been lying on the coffee table.

"Asuka, get out of the way so that I can KILL HIM!" Kurogane shouted.

"Oh, calm down," I laughed. I could practically see the little anger mark on the side of Kurogane's forehead. Then I pulled out the sharpie from chapter two and drew one on his face. "There, now you're really angry," I said.

"Why, because you just DREW ON MY FACE!?" he yelled. I nodded proudly. Fai turned his head slowly and smiled. Then I started to wonder why Tamaki and Yukito get all those floating roses and various other flowers, but Fai doesn't. I mean, come on, he's bishounen-y enough! He should get some floating roses!

"Kuro-rin, which nickname is your favorite?" Fai asked. I fell of the couch in an effort to not randomly start laughing at my thoughts and need to explain how I thought Fai should have floating roses around his head.

"I hate every single one," Kurogane said, turning his head. Fai leaned over until he was just a few inches from Kurogane's nose, startling the ninja very, very much.

"Aww, come on, you can't possibly hate them _all_," Fai said quietly.

"This is not going a good way," I said, and then sat between them again for preventative measures. "This story is not a shonen-ai," I explained to Fai.

"I thought I'd just try and do that, like in that one story," Fai replied airily and went back to his book.

"How much fanfiction have you been reading!?" I demanded, and he grinned.

"A bit," he said. "And I think Kuro-tan's favorite nickname is… Kuro-puppy."

"I HATE THAT ONE MOST!" Kurogane shouted, randomly jumping into the conversation again.

"Sarcasm, Kuro-sama," I sighed.

**Kurogane: How was I supposed to know that you were going to start being all sarcastic!?**

**Fai: I dunno. It was kind of funny.**

**Asuka: Okay, this means that Fai is restricted from going to bars, killing himself, and fanfiction.**

**Fai: Most of which I do regardless.**

**Kurogane: Except the killing part, thank goodness.**

**Asuka: Aww, you're actually worried about him!**

**Kurogane: No, he's the only one in our group that can cook. **

**Asuka: What about Sakura?**

**Kurogane: Well… she faints too much. **


	6. Chapter 5: Asuka

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa. If I did, I would be able to draw characters as disproportionately tall and skinny as Fai.**

**Chapter Five**

**Asuka's Computer and its Pictorial Files**

"I do ever so love looking up random pictures online and saving them to a flashdrive and then transferring them to my non-internet computer," I announced one bright morning as I walked into the living room.

"It's too early for me to follow that sentence," Kurogane said.

"Wait, what language was she speaking? Are we missing Mokona?" Fai asked.

"English, Fai. Just… technological English," I explained. Fai and Kurogane both still looked a little out of it. It was either me talking about computers, or the fact that they had just woken up. Or both.

"Could you summarize that?" Fai requested. I then realized that the book he had been reading in the last chapter had been my copy of the fifth volume of +Anima. Seeing as how he had just quoted it.

"Fine, Fai. Or Cooro. Whoever you're being today," I said. "Anyway, I was just saying that I have a lot of really cool pictures on my computer."

"Oh really," Kurogane said disbelievingly. It wasn't abnormal for him to not believe that statement. He just didn't have the same sense of what's awesome as I did. Meaning Kurogane wouldn't find all my bishounen obsessions interesting in the least. Which was okay, because he was a guy. And men cannot be fangirly, not matter what Fai said the other day.

"Hey, what did Fai say the other day about fangirls?" I asked.

"Asuka, I don't remember back that far," Fai sighed.

"Okay… then do you want to come see my awesome computer pictures?" I asked.

"Will they annoy Kurogane?" Fai asked. I nodded, and did some sort of evil-Kurogane-annoying-grin-thing. So Fai started skipping to my room, until I told him not to go around skipping like that. It's just not cool. But he doesn't really get that… I guess that Fai just does what he wants to do and doesn't listen to what anyone else says. He did have a kind of isolated childhood… we're not going into detail on that.

"Fai, get back here!" I shouted as Fai sat down at my computer.

"Where are your picture whoa, Asuka, what's on your wall?" Fai suddenly asked.

"Giant Tsubasa poster. C'mon, Fai, it's me we're talking about. Why WOULDN'T I have a giant Tsubasa poster on my wall?" I reasoned, and then pulled him out of my chair so as to open my picture files with this really cool program called Picasa2. I dunno why the 2 is there.

"Is that the epic-ness?" Fai asked. "Wait… I think that's Dark."

"Eh… yeah, 'tis Dark," I replied. "Aha, here's the epic Tsubasa-ness. Also known as the epic Fai-ness because it's mostly Fai…"

"Do you have a percentage?" Fai said. "Of how many pictures there are of which characters and such?"

"No, why would I do that much math?" I laughed. Fai shrugged. Apparently he was good at math. Unlike myself.

"What are you doing?" Kurogane asked as he opened the door to my room.

"Hey, Fai, we're working on a chapter of 'How to Annoy Kurogane'… so why don't we annoy him?" I suggested.

"How do we do that?" he asked.

"Fai, do not underestimate my computer. I have PLENTY of embarrassing pictures of Kuro-tan on here," I said confidently.

"HEY!" Kurogane shouted. Fai and I turned our attention to him, as I reflected on how the words 'Fai and I' rhyme. I didn't like that very much. "I'm right here, you know," Kurogane said. "You don't have to talk about your plots to annoy me. And… WHAT EMBARRASING PICTURES!?"

"These ones," I said, opening a folder called 'Embarrassing Pictures of Kurogane'. Unfortunately, the said folder was blank. Because I don't really have that folder on my computer. Actually, I just looked at my regular Tsubasa pictures.

"Okay, what's so embarrassing about these pictures?" Kurogane asked.

"Hm," I said contemplatively as I scrolled through the pictures, trying to find ones that would annoy Kurogane. "Here's one where you're all lost."

"That's not embarrassing, it happens all the time if we let FAI drive the car," Kurogane said, glaring at the wizard.

"Well… here's one when you're all asleep," I said. "Ah… bishounen are really cute when they sleep."

"Don't call me 'cute'!" Kurogane snapped.

"Okay," I laughed, not meaning it in the least. "There's one of Kurogane when he's like ten years old, climbing a tree… another one of him as a little kid… we can't say anything about that picture because I drew it… or that one… HYUU!"

"What was the 'hyuu' for?" Fai asked.

"Kuronpu in a tux," I replied cheerily.

"Shut up," said Kurogane, finally looking a little embarrassed. But that was probably due to my fangirly-ness.

"Okay, as we continue to look at all my random pictures… Kurogane being mad at Fai… Kurogane and Fai again… that's a really cool picture, by the way… Kurogane and Tomoyo… oh! You'll like this one, Fai," I snickered. The said picture was Kurogane, of course… but he was less than a year old. Apparently, that was embarrassing enough, because me and Fai both jumped out the window shortly thereafter to escape the angry ninja.

**Kurogane: Why do you have so many pictures of me as a little kid on there, anyway?**

**Asuka: Because you were so cute!**

**Kurogane: I told you not to call me cute.**

**Asuka: Then stop being so cute. Wait! You can't!**

**Fai: I think Asuka enjoyed this.**

**Asuka: Duh. **


	7. Chapter 6: The Moral of the Story Is?

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa. If I didn't own it for the first five chapters, I probably don't own it now.**

**Chapter Six**

**And the Moral of the Story Is…**

"What's the moral of this fanfiction?" I asked Fai and Kurogane. Kurogane rolled his eyes and disregarded the question as another of my hare-brained ideas. Fai looked like he was actually thinking about it.

"Um… don't poke angry ninjas," he suggested.

"Especially Kurogane," I commented.

"Don't draw on ninjas' faces when they're asleep."

"Especially if they're Kurogane."

"Don't lose peoples' socks."

"Especially if they belong to Kurogane."

"Beware two-by-fours."

"Particularly in a situation in which Kurogane is wielding them."

"Don't underestimate the far stretches of fangirls' imaginations."

"Especially if they're Kurogane's fangirls."

"Don't save embarrassing pictures of people on your computer."

"Especially if they're pictures of Kurogane."

"Fai and Asuka are the most annoying people on the face of the Earth," Kurogane cut in.

"Really?" Fai asked.

"You think so?" I chirped. Kurogane looked at us like we were crazy, probably because we had obviously just annoyed him for the last five chapters.

"Yeah, you're annoying. But… I suppose I'll put up with you anyway," Kurogane sighed.

"I've got the moral," Fai said. "Good friends stick with their friends, even when they're annoying."

"Especially if they're Kurogane," I said. Now, a normal person would have said 'aww' or 'thank you' or hugged us.

But all Kurogane said was, "Shut up."

**Asuka: You do realize that we're not going to stop annoying you just because of this.**

**Kurogane: I had a feeling you'd say that.**

**Fai: What should we do next chapter?**

**Asuka: Can we use water?**

**Kurogane: You are NOT drenching me!**

**Asuka: Well, you never do know… we might. **

**Fai: That sounds really fun, actually.**


	8. Chapter 7: Pink Hot Pink

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa. But I do own Asuka. I am Asuka, so I suppose that's a good thing.**

**Chapter Seven**

**Pink. Hot Pink.**

"Guess what this is!?" Fai asked in a singsong voice as he barged into my room with a hot pink bottle. I looked up, unsurprised at the intrusion, and paused my iPod, which was blasting 'Caramelldansen' through my speakers.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Seriously. Guess," Fai said. I looked more closely at the bottle. It said 'Hair Dye' on the front, and it was bright pink.

"Pink hair dye?" I guessed. I hoped it was pink hair dye. Actually, I hoped that Fai knew it was pink hair dye. He might not have noticed.

"Duh," he said, flopping down on my bed.

"You are NOT dyeing your hair pink," I said worriedly. He shook his head.

"No, it's temporary dye. And I'm not using it on _myself_," he said.

"Oh. Good," I sighed. Fai plus pink hair dye would equal even more problems than ever, if he planned on using it on his own head.

"So what's going on?" I asked. "Is Sakura cosplaying Sakura from Naruto?" Fai just stared at me blankly. He did not understand the concept of Naruto, judging by his confused expression. That was perfectly alright, because I only barely got it, and had only mentioned the Naruto Sakura as a pun for all the Naruto fans.

"We're using it on Kurogane," he explained.

"Oh that is so epic!" I squealed.

"I knew you would get it if I explained it slowly!" Fai squealed.

"Okay, but we cannot prank him in his sleep again, we already did that once," I pointed out. "If we did that more than once, it would not be cool."

"You deal with your own coolness. Kurogane's hair is going to be HOT pink after we sneak this into his shampoo," Fai laughed.

"Perfect!" I shouted, and then high-fived the overly hyper wizard as we both ran out of the room to find Kurogane's shampoo.

The next morning, I had nearly forgotten about the prank. Mostly because I was way too engrossed in Volume 22 of Tsubasa. I love that one. Everyone gets their sense of humor back in Volume 22. It's a wonderful thing.

"Asuka!" Kurogane shouted, barging in my room like Fai usually tended to do.

"Oh my gosh, you hair really is pink!" I gasped.

"You… you did this," he snarled venomously. I just broke out laughing.

"Kuro-nya, I CANNOT take you serious with that color hair," I giggled. "It doesn't match your eyes at all!"

"Doesn't it look lovely?" Fai asked, appearing in the doorway. He leaned against the doorframe casually. "Oh, and by the way, Kuro-cutie, I sent a picture to Tomoyo."

"You're dead," Kurogane growled. "You're so dead." Fai dashed out of the way of the angry pink-haired ninja.

"Just run outside, he won't dare go out in public with that hairdo!" I called after Fai.

This time, Kurogane was mad enough to actually hit Fai. When we finally realized that Fai was just faking unconsciousness, I went to get him some ice because that injury probably hurt a lot…

"It's temporary," I informed Kurogane, once I stopped laughing at his hair every single time I looked at him.

"That's a good thing, or else I would seriously kill Fai," Kurogane snapped.

**Asuka: YEEK! You can't kill Fai!**

**Kurogane: No kidding, I will. I really will.**

**Asuka: No! No! Don't do that! I'll cry!**

**Kurogane: Maybe I'll dye his hair green.**

**Asuka: I'll cry if you do that, too!**

**Fai: Asuka! My hair's green!**

**Asuka: WAAH! What did you DO, Kurogane!?**


	9. Chapter 8: Finish That Song!

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa. Or most of the songs mentioned. And I think 'The Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves' is public domain.**

**Chapter Eight**

**Finish That Song!**

Kurogane's hand curled into a fist angrily, and he clenched his teeth together, trying not to explode in anger upon myself and Fai, who were both completely insane, and SINGING a lot. Now, it was not technically our fault, because Kurogane had gotten a new stereo, which I had plugged my iPod into. And I happened to know all of the words to all of the songs on that little electronic device.

"Will you SHUT UP!?" Kurogane shouted, finally unable to restrain that temper.

"Kuro-puu, we're having fun!" I protested. But after the third Swedish techno song, Kurogane was unable to take our 'fun' anymore. Rather than leave the house and go visit his girlfriend or something like a normal person, he pulled the plug for the speakers out of the wall. Right in the middle of the Caramelldansen! And we were doing the dance and everything!

"That's enough!" he shouted. "You two idiots need to shut up!"

"Come on, it was the Caramelldansen and everything!" I protested.

"Yeah, that song was really awesome!" Fai laughed. "C'mon, Kuro-rin, lighten up!"

"I said shut up, and I meant it," he said, sitting down. The problem was, both me and Fai could not reach the end of the cord because our arms were not long enough, and we couldn't move the TV because we weren't that strong. So Fai quickly thought of a new idea.

"Well, let's just sing anyway!" he suggested. Kurogane glared at us like an angry ninja. Probably because he was an angry ninja. If looks could kill, the both of us would be dead then and there. But luckily looks can not kill. Otherwise Kurogane would be a serial killer.

"I've got a good one," I said.

"What's it called?" Fai asked. "Maybe Kuro-wan will like it."

"Oh, I know Kuro-wan will like it," I said evilly, rubbing my hands together in a scheming manner. Kurogane and Fai both looked at me like I was insane. Which I am, so there's nothing wrong with that. "It's called 'The Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves'."

"Catchy," Fai said. And so we decided to sing it.

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!" we sang at the top of our lungs, and then took a huge breath and repeated the entire thing. After about three repetitions, Kurogane realized where it was going.

"Okay, OKAY! You've gotten on MY nerves just fine!" he shouted. We both laughed hysterically. Because getting on Kurogane's nerves is our favorite sport! Or is it what we do best? Well, anyway, we get on his nerves a lot.

"Hey, I thought of an even better song!" I declared.

"NO! No more singing!" Kurogane roared in anger.

"Can't we just stop after we finish this song?" I asked.

"Fine. You just have to promise you'll stop singing after the end of this song," he said. "What song is it, anyway?" I grinned all the more evilly.

"The Song That Never Ends."

**Kurogane: Kill. Me. Now.**

**Asuka: That's what you get when you take away our Caramell! NYAHAHAA!**

**Fai: That was the most evil meow/laugh I've ever heard.**

**Asuka: In case all you readers didn't know, 'nya' means 'meow' in Japanese, and that was what I was beginning my laugh with, so that's why Fai said I was meowing/laughing. **


	10. Chapter 9: Inventions Gone Wrong

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE. Nope. **

**Chapter Nine**

**Inventions Gone Wrong**

I, Asuka Neko, came upon a most horrifying discovery one morning as I opened the door to Kurogane and Fai's house. Fai was sitting on the couch, looking annoyed, and glaring at Kurogane. Now, if you think _that_ is bad, you should have heard what Kurogane was doing! He wasn't glaring back. He wasn't yelling. Or snarling. Or doing anything relatively Kuro-ish. He was… laughing! Laughing like a madman in a much higher voice than usual, with his hands folded behind his head in a carefree pose.

"Who are you and what have you done with Kurogane and Fai!?" I demanded to know, and took a step away from the two weirdos whom I assumed were out-of-character cosplayers that had stolen my wizard and ninja.

"We are Kurogane and Fai," Fai said sullenly.

"Yup, yup! Hyuu~!" Kurogane chirped. I burst out laughing. Kurogane saying 'Hyuu' had to be the funniest thing in the entire world. Just look up episode 17 of Tsubasa in Japanese. It is HILARIOUS! But he really shouldn't ever say that. Which was why I was wondering what he was doing at the moment.

Anyway, this was a chapter of "How to Annoy Kurogane" not "How to Freak Out Asuka". So I had no idea why they were acting so strangely.

"Neko-tan, why don't you recognize me!" Kurogane whined. "I mean, sure I switched bodies with Kuro, but…"

"YOU'RE FAI!" I shouted, and pointed at Kurogane dramatically.

"A little slow, are we?" Fai asked. Or rather, Kurogane.

"So wait up, Kurogane is in Fai's body and Fai is in Kurogane's body? THAT IS SO WEIRD!" I shouted. This was even more confusing than something CLAMP could come up with. And they come up with some very, very confusing things. Like Syaoran. He's the most confusing person I've ever had the misfortune to read a manga about. He's lucky he's so cute in Cardcaptor Sakura.

"Exactly!" said Fai (in Kurogane's body). "I invented this spell that switches peoples' bodies, and for the sole purpose of this fanfic, I decided to use it on me and Kuro-fluffy!"

"Yeah! That's brilliant!" I cheered.

"Is not," grumbled Kurogane (in Fai's body).

"Aww, what's so bad about being cute and fluffy for a day?" I asked Kurogane (in Fai's body), and poked him in the shoulder.

"Personally, I have now realized three things," Kurogane (in Fai's body) said, and began to count them off on his fingers. "Fai, your hair is really annoying. I don't know how you stand it falling in your eyes all the time! And also, you're really puny. And thirdly… um… what was third again?" He closed his eyes in concentration. "Oh! You're really scatterbrained!"

"Kuro-tan, me being scatterbrained has nothing to do with you forgetting what the third thing you were going to say is," Fai (in Kuro's body) pointed out. Kurogane (in Fai's body) arched an eyebrow. "Our brains are what are switched, obviously!" Fai (in Kuro's body) explained.

"So, how the heck do you plan on getting us back to our original bodies?" Kurogane (in Fai's body) asked.

"That I do not know," Fai (in Kuro's body) admitted.

It was rather interesting to watch them chase each other around while their bodies were switched. Kurogane caught up to Fai for once, but now that Fai was much more muscular and generally stronger, he got away pretty quickly. But it would be kind of bad if we could never switch them back…

**Kuro (after being switched back): Finally, back to being MYSELF!**

**Fai: Aww, I liked being a really hot ninja…**

**Asuka: No comment.**

**Kurogane: Oh, I've got a comment. Wizard you're just-**

**Mokona: The rest of Kuro-chan's comment was censored because of swearing. **

**Asuka: Ha! Earplugs shall rule the world! **

**Fai: Asuka, he stopped cursing, you can take your earplugs out.**

**Asuka: What?**

**Fai: I SAID YOU CAN TAKE YOUR EARPLUGS OUT!**

**Asuka: What?**

**Fai: Those are some good earplugs.**

**Asuka: What?**

**Kurogane: *facepalm***


	11. Chapter 10: SPECIAL EDITON!

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: It's called fanfiction for a reason, people. I don't own. **

**Chapter Ten**

**SPECIAL EDITION!**

"Hi, hello, hola, konnichiwa, and g'day to all you readers out there!" I announced, holding a video camera so that it was facing me. "This is the special edition of 'How to Annoy Kurogane'!"

"Asuka, it would be _watchers_ not readers if we're making a video," Fai pointed out. I grimaced at him and stuck out my tongue.

"I don't care," I said, "Besides, I haven't even told them the wondrous occasion for our filming this!"

"I want to tell them!" Fai said, and I turned the video camera on him. Fai grinned. "Today, and only today, a special…friend… of mine is in town."

"I thought you hated him," I said.

"Yes, I do, but that's why we're annoying him!" Fai said. He looked back at the camera. "In any case, Ashura showed up, so we decided we'd annoy him for today instead of Kuro-kuro. Besides, our little Kuro-wan-wan has been far too over-annoyed these days. And so it would be much more fun to bother Ashura!"

Basically, Kurogane was on vacation in Nihon, and we had no one to annoy.

At that very moment, Ashura rounded the corner of the hallway, looking very out-of-place in his long Celesian robes (Fai and I were wearing T-shirts and jeans). "What is that strange metal box you're holding?" Ashura asked, peering at the camera.

"It's a camera! We wanted to interview you for our… fanfic…" I explained, hoping my techy mumble-jumble would confuse our kingly friend into agreeing to be interviewed.

"…Sure…" Ashura said warily, still staring at the camera as though it was going to transform into a monster and eat him at any moment. Apparently he was aware that Fai was still mad about the whole trying-to-kill-Fai-and-Kurogane thing. Don't even ask how Ashura is here, and start saying 'Ashura's dead!' and stuff like that. I honestly do not even know.

"So, Ashura, first question: do you think you have the coolest hair in all Tsubasa?" I asked. Ashura flipped a strand of his long, dark hair over his shoulder and grinned coyly.

"Well, of course I do," he said. I frowned, handed Fai the camera, and grabbed my whacking stick in order to hit Ashura over the head with it.

"Why you little stuck-up… Fai's hair is ten times cooler than yours!" I shouted, for lack of a noun. Fai grabbed the end of the whacking stick before I could beat the evil king, confiscated it, and notified me that Ashura needed to be conscious for the rest of the interview.

"Yeah, it wouldn't do if the person we were interviewing was knocked out," I said.

"Even though my hair is ten times cooler," Fai said. I groaned. I should not have asked about their hair.

"What's with the dress?" I asked, surveying Ashura's clothes.

"It's a robe," Ashura corrected.

I raised an eyebrow. "Looks like a dress to me."

"Agreed," Fai chirped.

"It is not a dress!" Ashura snapped.

"Are you sure? Maybe some girl accidentally put it on the wrong rack in the Celesian clothing store," I suggested.

"This was specifically tailored for me and IT'S NOT A DRESS!" Ashura shouted.

"Is," I replied.

"Not!" he squealed angrily, stamping his foot like a pompous two-year-old.

"Is," I said lightly, examining my nails.

"NOT!"

We went on with this until Fai got bored and told me that no, it was not a dress. He assured me that it was normal in Celes, and I shudder to think that Fai probably wore something similar at one point. Let's just ignore that fact for the moment, hm?

**Asuka: Dress.**

**Ashura: IS NOT!**

**Asuka: Totally a dress.**

**Ashura: IT IS NOT A DRESS!**

**Fai: Stop it before I hit you with Asuka's whacking staff!**

**Asuka: Oh! Fai! If the interview is over, does this mean I'm allowed to knock Ashura unconscious?**

**Fai: Sure. Whatever. **

**Asuka: Hehehe…**

**Ashura: *girly scream***


	12. Chapter 11: Hello? Who is this?

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa. Nor do I speak CLAMPanese. **

**Chapter Eleven**

**Hello? Who is this?**

"Asukaaaaa, I'm booored," Fai whined, trudging into my room. I'd never though I'd say this, but… he looked like he needed some coffee or something!

"Are you alright?" I asked, a little concerned for his well-being and sanity (if he had any).

"Well, Kuro-sama is still in Nihon, and I'm getting SOOO bored! We can't even do a chapter of 'How to Annoy Kurogane'!" he complained. I sat up, put my manga on the bed next to me, and stared into his bright blue eyes very seriously.

"Fai. We are doing a chapter of 'How to Annoy Kurogane' right NOW!" I snapped.

"How the heck are we supposed to annoy him if he is in a different dimension?" Fai asked. I grinned evilly and sorted around my bedroom, looking for something. I reached behind one of my gigantic pillows and found… my cell phone!

"We prank call him!" I explained.

"Oh, like how Tsukasa answers her phone in Japanese?" Fai asked.

"Yes. But we cannot do that. Kurogane speaks fluent Japanese," I pointed out. Fai chuckled.

"I know, I know. So what are we supposed to say? Won't he be able to tell it's us by our voices? He is a ninja, after all. He's pretty smart," Fai said.

"That's exactly why we disguise our voices," I said.

"Disguise? Like… how?" Fai asked.

"Just don't sound like yourself! Pretend you're Edward Elric!" I ordered. Naturally, Fai should be able to sound like Edward Elric (they do have the same voice actor, after all).

"He would be really confused by that," Fai said. "You could guess Edward, Dark, Tamaki, or Vic Mignona if I was talking."

"This is true," I said. I decided I would use another Tsukasa technique of answering the phone while telemarketers are calling, confusing them with anime references! This works pretty well.

So, I called Kurogane's cell phone, hoping he had reception in Nihon.

Apparently he did.

"Hello?" he answered. I almost shouted 'squee!', which would have totally given away my identity. I mean, I really love Fai's voice, but Kurogane's is probably second. Ah, yes. Christopher Sabat is amazing. But still not as amazing as Vic.

"Hello, this is Himeka Kujyou, is Kazune there?" I asked in a much higher-pitched voice than normal. I assumed Himeka had a pretty squeaky voice, not that I've ever heard her speak.

"Wouldn't you know? I mean, you do live there. And this isn't his house, anyways," Kurogane answered. "But I suppose you could try actually calling Kazune's number, or Karin if you have to, right, _Asuka_?"

"DARN IT!" I shouted. "You read THAT manga?!" He laughed.

"Hang on a second, I've got someone else calling me," he said. I looked at Fai, who was the person calling him.

"Hey! I heard you said I was short! Well, I'm not! I'm no pipsqueak, and I'm not a shrimp either! And you're freakishly tall, anyways!" he said. Apparently he had listened to me when I told him to pretend he was Edward Elric.

"Ed? Or is this Dark? Wait, he's not short… Fai? Are you prank-calling me too? Or… well, it could be that Vic guy that Asuka's always going on about for all I know. Who is this!?" Kurogane asked.

"Fai!" Fai answered, and I groaned and fell over backwards. "I mean Edward! I mean… uh…"

Kurogane hung up the phone.

**Asuka: Okay, there were a LOT of references to other mangas in there, here we go, just in case you don't know:**

**Tsukasa is not from a manga, she is my best friend. If a telemarketer is calling her, she will usually answer in Japanese or as a Kingdom Hearts character.**

**Edward Elric is from Fullmetal Alchemist (I assume most people know this). **

**Dark is from DNAngel.**

**Tamaki is from Ouran High School Host Club. **

**Edward, Dark, Tamaki, and Fai all have the same voice actor, Vic Mignona, so their voices would naturally sound similar. I don't think Edward sounds that much like Fai, which is why I told Fai to disguise his voice as Ed. This also explains Kurogane's confusion when he's answering the phone. **

**Himeka, Kazune, and Karin are all from Kamichama Karin. This is a very girly manga by Koge Donbo, hence the reason I was so surprised Kurogane knew what I was talking about. (He does actually read manga in Tsubasa, if you haven't read that far. He likes it!)**


	13. Chapter 12: Got Milk?

**How to Annoy Kurogane (and Edward Elric)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa or Fullmetal Alchemist**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Got Milk?**

Laughing hysterically, I turned the page of the Tsubasa character guide and sighed, trying to calm myself just a little. In case you haven't read the second character guide, and particularly the World of the Untold Story comic in it… you wouldn't know this. But basically, the comic is about milk. Which apparently, Kurogane cannot drink. And for some reason, I find this the height of hilarity.

"Asuka, what is so funny?" Fai asked, opening my door. As soon as he opened it, the book slid out of my fingertips and fell on my bed, cover-side up, which made me happy. I love the cover of that book, it's a very nice picture of Fai, Kurogane, and Syaoran.

I flicked instantly to the page I had been laughing about a moment ago and showed it to Fai, and he started laughing about as hard as I had been. "See? See? I am not the only person who finds this hilarious!" I said triumphantly.

"Oh, yeah, I was supposed to tell you: Edward and Alphonse Elric came over for a visit," Fai said. I popped up like a coiled spring, startling Fai into taking a step backwards.

"Really? Really? Ooh, what lovely timing!" I chirped. "Time for another chapter of 'How to Annoy Kurogane'!"

"Is this going to be more like 'How to Annoy Kurogane and Edward'?" Fai asked.

I grinned and batted my eyelashes innocently. "Now, whatever gives you that idea?" I asked. I turned to skip out the doorway. "By the way, Fai, how much milk do we have?"

It turned out we had quite a lot of milk, mostly because Fai and I love it! And so, my evil plan could be put into action. One very tall lactose-intolerant ninja and one very short lactose-hating alchemist were about to get more annoyed than they ever thought they would. (Insert Beethoven's Fifth Symphony here).

"Asuka, will you stop using Beethoven's Fifth Symphony as your background music?" Kurogane asked. "It kind of makes me feel like you're about to do something evil."

"Oh, that's what you think…" I snickered evilly.

Kurogane shuddered. "She scares me when she's in these kinds of moods."

Later that day…

"Hey, where's… well, where's all of the drinks we have in the house at?" Kurogane asked, looking around the refrigerator for the liquid that seemed to have conveniently disappeared. I was sitting in the living room, listening to his question, and still snickering evilly.

"Stop that cackling!" Edward shouted at me. I obeyed. Cranky midgets were not good.

"It was snickering," I pointed out.

"Same difference!" Ed snapped.

"Asuka, did you do something with the drinks?" Kurogane asked, poking his head into the living room. I shook my head and put on an innocent smile. Actually, I hid a lot of soda, bottled water, and pomegranate juice (that stuff is so yummy) in the mini-fridge that was in the basement. I wasn't quite sure why there was a mini-fridge in the basement, because there was a regular-sized refrigerator upstairs, but it did make a good hiding place.

I hopped up and opened the refrigerator, pretending to look around. "Maybe we're out…" I said. "Hey, there's milk in here! We can just drink that!"

A few minutes later, Fai and I were drinking glasses of milk, whilst Kuro and Ed were staring at us suspiciously. Alphonse was not doing much of anything. Suits of armor can't quite stare suspiciously, nor can they drink milk. "This wouldn't happen to be an evil plan of you mages, would it?" Kurogane asked.

"Us? Plan evilly? Never," Fai said.

"Liar," Kurogane replied.

"Yeah, Asuka is plenty evil," Edward said. Ed seems to think I am evil because I enjoy calling him 'shorty' and seeing his reaction.

"Fai, what are you planning?" Kurogane asked. Fai just calmly took another sip of his milk.

"I didn't plan anything," he said.

"Does this mean Asuka did plan something?" Edward asked.

"Possibly," I said.

"That's it, where did you hide it!?" Kurogane shouted at me.

"…The mini-fridge," I replied. Kurogane and Edward ran downstairs to try and find the missing drinks.

"What was the point of that?" Al asked. "They found them in the end…"

"But Kuro-puu got really annoyed!" Fai chirped.

"So what?" Al said.

"Alphonse, the name of this fanfiction is 'How to Annoy Kurogane'," I pointed out. Mission accomplished.

**Asuka: I love milk! Kuro-wan! How can you be a milk-hater!?**

**Kurogane: I'm lactose intolerant!! I can't drink milk! It makes me sick!**

**Asuka: Man, you are missing out! You can't eat ice cream either, right?**

**Kurogane: …Dunno. Probably not. **

**Fai: That's HORRIBLE! Ice cream is possibly the second most delicious thing in the whole universe!**

**Edward: So what's the first most delicious thing in the world?**

**Asuka: That'd be Kuro-yummy. **

**Kurogane: *sweatdrop* **

**Fai: I was gonna say chocolate fondant. **


	14. Chapter 13: Methodical Mokonas

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: Tsubasa belongs to the awesome people of CLAMP! HYUU!**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Methodical Mokonas**

Hello! Asuka Neko here, with another chapter of How to Annoy Kurogane! This chapter is actually more about Mokona and Kurogane than me and Fai, so enjoy the fluffy little critter with gender issues while s/he is here! Once again, a lot of this comes from the Tsubasa character guide, this time from an advice column by Fai. Best advice I got from the column… never listen to Fai's advice.

"Kuro-puu!" Mokona called, hopping into Kurogane's bedroom and landing on the ninja's head. Mokona was holding an envelope in its paws, and waving it around rapidly.

"My name is Kurogane!" Kurogane shouted. "And stop waving that thing in my face! What is it, anyway?"

"Mokona wrote a letter to Fai for his advice column," Mokona said.

"What kind of advice is the idiot wizard going to give you?" Kurogane asked.

"Oh, just advice…" Mokona trailed off. "Anyways, Kuro-tan, Mokona would like you to mail this today!"

"Only if you get off my head!" Kurogane said. Mokona sat on his shoulder instead. This did not seem to make him very happy.

The next week, Mokona found the reply from the advice column. In the letter Mokona sent, it said that _"Kurogane isn't nice to Mokona at all! But Mokona still wants to be friends with Kurogane! What should Mokona do!?" _Mokona hoped that all of the exclamation points had gotten the message across.

Fai's answer: _If you show him your heart, I'm sure that at some point, Kuro-run's heart will open up, too… I can teach you several methods to accomplish that._

"Mokona wonders what kind of methods Fai was talking about…" Mokona said to itself. Fai had not quite explained his 'methods' in his reply, so Mokona went to find Fai, who was in the kitchen making dinner.

"Hello, Mokona," Fai greeted the white puffball as it entered.

"Fai, will you tell Mokona what methods you were talking about?" Mokona asked. Fai grinned.

"Well of course I will!"

_Method #1: When it's lunchtime, give him a present of a boxed lunch with the food arranged into a big heart._

Mokona had to wait for the next day to put this plan into action, because it was already past lunch. And in any case, it had quite a bit of trouble cooking…

"What did you do to the kitchen!?" Kurogane shouted as he entered.

"Wah! Mokona is sorry, Kurogane!" Mokona apologized. It looked as though a hurricane had gone through their kitchen. Dishes were strewn everywhere, with what looked as though it could have possibly been food at one point splattered along with them. Mokona had made use of the fire extinguisher, probably because it had the stove turned up to an absurd temperature.

"You had better clean this up, STAT!" Kurogane shouted at the fuzzy marshmallow ball of cute.

"Okeydokes! Will do!" Mokona trilled, and promptly vacuumed the entire mess into its oversized mouth. "Ha! See? Mokona is a good cleaner!"

Kurogane rubbed his temples, feeling a massive headache coming on. Why, oh why had such an annoying little beast been given vocal chords? _Yuko, of course._ The annoying little voice of reason inside his head told him the answer, making him want to bang his head against the kitchen wall. Unfortunately, this would only worsen the severity of his headache, so he resisted the temptation to do so. In any case, Kurogane was fairly convinced that a certain dimensional witch was out to get him. Next time he saw her, he would not be so quick to give up his sword. He would run her through. Kurogane smirked at that idea, and went to go find some sort of pain medication for his headache.

_Method #2: Give him a present of a hand-knitted scarf_

Later that afternoon…

"Kuro-puu! Have you seen Mokona?" Fai asked, bounding into the room in a manner very reminiscent of the hyperactive hairball he was looking for. Kurogane glanced at him over the rim of his coffee mug.

"Yeah, a couple minutes ago the creampuff was tangled in some yarn and knitting needles," Kurogane replied. Where had Mokona even _gotten_ knitting needles, anyway?

As if Fai had read Kurogane's mind, he said, "I was wondering where my knitting needles had gotten off to." At this point, Kurogane had been taking a drink of his coffee, which was a bad idea in so many ways, because he choked on it. This served to both nearly kill Kurogane and send Fai into a fit of irrepressible giggles. "What's wrong, Kuro-pon?" Fai asked, once he had mostly regained calmness. His smile was still even wider and cheekier than usual, if that was at all possible.

"You knit?" Kurogane said incredulously, once he had stopped coughing.

"Yes. Is there something wrong with that?" Fai replied sweetly. While Kurogane could name a number of things wrong with that, he composed himself and didn't say a word. He was trying a new shut-Fai-up strategy, and this one was called don't-say-anything-and-he-won't-say-anything-back. Kurogane soon realized that this did not work on Fai. "You're a meanie, Kuro-wan, making fun of me 'cause I know how to knit and you don't."

"OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO KNIT!" Kurogane shouted. "I'm a _guy_, after all. Men. Don't. Knit."

"Then what am I, a woman?" Fai asked, before patting Kurogane on the head and skipping out of the room.

"Man, he looks like an idiot when he skips," Kurogane muttered to himself. Then he went back to reading his manga, without even wondering why Mokona was balled up in some yarn. He really should have wondered such things. It did concern him, after all.

_Method #3: Go to the baths with him and wash his back._

After all the craziness earlier today, Kurogane decided that taking a shower would be nice and relaxing. (You see, Fai's method would not work well at all because Kurogane did not take baths, he took showers.) But when he was about to do so, he noticed Mokona sitting on the bathroom sink.

"What are you doing in here? I'm going to take a shower," Kurogane said. He had no idea why Mokona would be in a bathroom, the little fuzzball didn't seem to need to take baths.

"Mokona wondered if Kuro-pon needed help washing his back!" Mokona proclaimed. Subtlety, as I have said plenty of times before, is not one of Mokona's 108 secret talents. But that was a topic of another fanfiction.

"HECK NO!" Kurogane shouted, and threw Mokona out the door. Luckily for Mokona, it bounced fairly well and was not injured badly when it hit the wall opposite the bathroom door.

_Method 4: Whisper sweet nothings in his ear while he's sleeping._

Kurogane went to bed right after he got his shower, because he was nothing short of exhausted. Was it just him, or was Mokona causing more trouble than usual? Well, it did not matter. He fell asleep quickly. Very quickly. But Kurogane usually does that. He is a ninja, after all. He can even sleep sitting up! That just sounds uncomfortable to me.

At about midnight, he woke up. He could hear something. Something… whispering? Was it Fai? The voice was too high-pitched to be Fai's, so Kurogane could only guess one person: Mokona. Asuka was out of the question. She wasn't in this chapter.

"Mokona wasn't quite sure what Fai meant by 'sweet nothings', but… well, this is whispering. And Kurogane is sleeping. So what's the point of this anyway? If he's sleeping, he can't hear what Mokona is saying! Fai must be going crazy. Oh. Wait. Fai's already crazy," Mokona was saying.

"I agree," Kurogane replied.

"Oh! Kurogane is awake!" Mokona observed.

"Yeah," Kurogane said. "Now shut up so I can sleep."

"Can Mokona sleep here?" Mokona asked. Kurogane paused, considering it.

"Ah, sure. Whatever. Just don't talk anymore," he said.

"Goodnight, Kurogane," Mokona said, snuggling up between Kurogane's shoulder and his neck.

"I said shut up."

"Oh. Right. Mokona will be quiet now."

"SHUT. UP."

"Sorry."

Kurogane sighed. Perhaps this had been a bad idea.

_Method 5: Wake him up every morning with a big kiss._

"!" Mokona shouted as it was forcefully thrown out Kurogane's window. Fai blinked, woken up by the noise.

"Hm. Wonder what that could be," he said groggily, and then went back to sleep.

**Asuka: TA-DAH! That was a long chapter, huh?**

**Fai: Very.**

**Asuka: Fai… I seriously hope you've never… like… tested any of these methods.**

**Fai: What makes you say that? Of course I haven't!**

**Asuka: Oh. Good. **


	15. Chapter 14: Ninjas and Malls do Not Mix

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed. BA-BAM!**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Ninjas and Malls Do Not Mix**

_"We call it love~! Two connected hearts affected so! We call it love! Once you hold it you don't want to let it go!" _Fai and I were both singing very loudly to one of my personal favorite songs (I love Vic Mignona, all of his songs are my favorites!). Apparently, however, it was not one of Kurogane's favorite songs. We mostly figured this out because he turned the CD player off. Right in the middle of the chorus! Not fair! I would have bonked Kurogane in the head if he wasn't driving and if I wasn't sitting on the opposite side of the back seat from where he was. Fai and I had ended up in the back because he and Tomoyo were sitting in the front…

That was because nobody trusts me or Fai to drive.

"You two are just getting on my nerves," he said when we asked why he was so mad at us. Our singing wasn't that bad, so we weren't entirely sure why. (Although Vic's singing is lots better *fangirl spaz*). Then it dawned on me that the fact we'd forced Kurogane to come to the mall with us might be why he was so annoyed. And that we brought Tomoyo with us, and before we'd started singing, we had told her lots of embarrassing stories about Kurogane. That could have been a bad idea.

So, because it is a bad idea to anger the person driving a car you're riding in, we decided not to tell any more embarrassing stories until Kuro-tan was no longer in the vicinity to hear them. Basically, we would tell her all the embarrassing Kurogane stories that we knew once we got home. Kurogane parked close to the mall, and we all got out of the car. Right now, you might be wondering why we're at the mall. It's mostly because Kurogane hates shopping, and that's all anybody does at a mall! And because Fai, Tomoyo, and I love shopping!

We technically had to bring Tomoyo with us, or Kurogane never would have come. She was the only one who could manage to drag Kuro-tan along to the mall when he was resisting with all his ninja-y powers. Or something. Anyway, she had forced him to come. It also helped that he was under orders to obey her every word.

"Where do we go first?" Tomoyo asked.

"Wherever would annoy Kurogane most," Fai replied with a grin.

"I want to get a T-shirt that says 'Vampires Don't Sparkle'," I requested. Then again, those things are more commonly found at anime conventions than at malls.

"I sparkle…" Fai said.

"Yes, but you didn't when you were a vampire. All you did then was be emo," I pointed out. Fai agreed with that. After a few moments, I noticed that Kurogane was staring at my bag. It might have just been because he was on it… but I think by now he should have been used to my carrying around a Tsubasa messenger bag all the time.

"What is it, Kuro-tan?" Fai asked.

"There's something moving in Asuka's bag," Kurogane pointed out.

"Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you!" I chirped, and opened the bag, allowing a certain fuzzball to come flying out. "Mokona came with me!"

"Great," Kurogane said sarcastically, and groaned under his breath. "Stupid furball, coming along on a shopping trip just to annoy me." Little did he know, that was the purpose of the entire shopping trip. Oh well, he would eventually figure out. Probably. Maybe. I'm not quite sure.

"Mokona loves shopping!" Mokona said, bouncing around on Kurogane's head. Now, we were getting more weird stares than the usual who-are-those-insane-blondes type glances. Any time me and Fai go anywhere, we get those types of glances. Personally, I love them! I also get strange stares at my hat… and my T-shirts, if I'm wearing the one with Syaoran on it.

Weird stares are the best.

Kurogane hates them.

We were going to get LOTS, then.

"C'mon, Kuro-puu, let's go SHOPPING~!" Fai squealed, linking arms with the black-haired man and racing off towards the nearest store.

"Get off me! And NOW! And… ugh, is it even worth yelling at you?" Kurogane groaned, defeated.

"That it's not, let's go!" Fai cheered, dashing through the door in a hyperactive manner that could rival and Edward Cullen fangirl's spazziness.

"FAI." I shouted, looking more annoyed than Kurogane at the moment. Fai turned around, looking confused about why they were annoying me and not Kurogane. I pointed at the store Fai was dashing into. Then, Fai screamed like a little girl and hid behind Kurogane.

Fact is, he'd almost walked into Victoria's Secret.

"Get off me, mage!" Kurogane shouted.

"But it's a scary store!" Fai whimpered, hugging the ninja. Kurogane was now beyond ticked. He did not like being hugged in public. By anyone or anything. Especially not when a couple of giggling girls walked past (giggling at him, of course).

It only got worse when he realized that Tomoyo was laughing too.

"GET OFF!" Kurogane was even louder this time.

"Hey, Kuro-tan's blushing!" I pointed out. It was true, but was Kurogane ever going to admit it? Fat chance.

"I am not!" he protested.

"Alright guys, let's just go shopping," Tomoyo said, and she tugged Fai off of Kurogane and to the nearest store. It seemed like Tomoyo loved shopping even more than me and Fai put together. Which didn't do much for Kurogane's sanity, but did a whole lot for the annoying factor of this chapter.

A few minutes later, Kurogane found that he'd been dragged into a store (a very girly store, as a matter of fact, and he wasn't quite sure why Fai was even there) by Tomoyo and I. The girls in question were in the dressing room. Until, of course, like one usually does with a dressing room, they walked out.

"Does this look alright on me?" Tomoyo asked. She was wearing a girly dress of some sort. It did look alright, more than just _alright_ in fact, but Fai's presence was going to elicit a very different answer from Kurogane.

"Whatever," he grumbled. Tomoyo seemed to realize that the grouchiness of her ninja was due to the spaziness of a certain pair of blondes and a little ball of fur that COULD have stayed hidden lots better and gotten less weird stares (but where's the fun in that?). So, she got the dress because Kurogane obviously wasn't going to tell her whether or not he liked it.

"So Asuka, are you going to get anything?" Fai asked. Me and Fai were currently ignoring the stares they were getting (which were mostly directed at the critter on my head).

"Nah. I'm just having fun annoying Kurogane," I laughed. Mokona bounced up and down on my head.

"Mokona likes this too!" he squeaked.

"I had a feeling you would," Fai said as he leaned back against the counter. The cashiers weren't saying anything in protest… probably because they were too busy staring at Fai. In fact, they hadn't even noticed Mokona yet. They were that glued on Fai. Well, I couldn't blame them. He was Fai, after all.

So, with that problem in tow on top of the fact that Kurogane was already furious, we decided to leave. Kurogane plus furious plus Fai fangirls equaled trouble for us. So, after yanking Tomoyo out of the store (she was reluctant to leave because there was still a lot of frilly, girly things she hadn't had a chance to look at yet) we were walking around the mall. Well, Fai was skipping. And Kurogane was glaring at him with his signature Death Glare of Doom. Kurogane was not a big fan of skipping, Fai or otherwise.

"Cut it out!" he eventually said. Fai only giggled and then continued skipping for the sole purpose of further exasperating his favorite ninja. Mokona was sitting on Kurogane's head since I'd told him to get off of mine. I already had a Mokona on my head (my hat, of course!). Kurogane's head was one of Mokona's favorite seats. So was Syaoran's, but Syaoran and Sakura hadn't exactly wanted to come with us on our Kurogane-annoying escapade. Hey, I couldn't blame them, Kurogane could get pretty crazy when he was mad.

"Why don't we get something to eat before we go?" Fai asked.

"Sounds good," I replied happily.

"We could go to Starbucks," Tomoyo suggested as she spied the overpriced coffee store.

"No way. There's absolutely no reason why those three should have coffee," Kurogane said, shuddering at the thought of me, Fai, and Mokona on coffee. Well, I would shudder at the thought too… except I was already shuddering at the thought of actually drinking coffee. It was my nemesis. Along with Seshiro, Ashura, and Kyoya Ohtori. Those weren't really very good nemesises… nemesi… uh, what's the plural of nemesis? No matter. They weren't very good things to have as my enemies. A popular drink plus three bishonen? Not good. Well, on top of that, Edward Cullen was also my enemy… but that didn't matter, he's hardly a threat.

Especially when you have ninjas on your side.

Which at the moment, I didn't. Kurogane was kind of against me at the moment, due to the fact that I'd forced him to go to the mall with me. Well, it was fun! The mall! Kurogane wasn't happy.

"Kuro-sama, I don't like coffee!" I pointed out.

"Then _why_ do you want to go to a coffee shop?" he asked, a little confused. Kurogane plus confused. Ah, that's a combination I can take any day of the week. He's so CUTE!

"Asuka, will you not go into insane-crazy-fangirl-mode in the middle of the mall?" Fai warned. Even Fai knew that Asuka fangirling anywhere in public was never good. It always led to weird stares, annoyed Kuroganes, and occasionally, a very large explosion.

"Oh, fine. Well, I want to go there because… I kind of want to see what happens if we give Fai caffeine," I admitted.

This, it seemed, had finally ended Kurogane's patience. "Oh, no. We are _not_ doing that," he said, as he forcefully dragged Fai and I out of the mall… by our hair. Tomoyo skipped along in following, Mokona perched contentedly on her head.

**Kurogane: Never subject me to that kind of… torture EVER again!**

**Asuka: Oh, come on, Kuro-pouty. You got to see Tomoyo in a cute outfit. That doesn't count as torture.**

**Kurogane: *blush***

**Asuka: Proof, my friends, PROOF!**

**Fai: Of what, the fact that you can't type "proof" correctly the first time. She definitely typed proff all three times we said the word.**

**Asuka: HEY! No making fun of my typos! **


	16. Chapter 15: Ghosts of Pairings Past

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: Asuka does not own Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE or Cardcaptor Sakura. I do own a library card, which is how I read them.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Ghosts of Pairings Past**

"Omigosh! There's gonna be GHOSTS in this chapter!" I shouted, running crazily around the house. Kurogane looked up from where he was lying on the couch, Fai on top of him in a rather awkward position. I instantly stopped running, and came to the realization that the living concerned me more than the dead at the moment. "What…are you…doing, exactly?" I asked.

"This idiot came in and... did you say ghosts?" Kurogane began his story and, with a sudden subject change, stopped it instantly.

"Never mind that! What are you DOING! Are you TRYING to get more yaoi fangirls!" I shouted. Kurogane shoved Fai off of him and unceremoniously onto the floor and then sat up.

"No, we very well are not!" Kurogane yelled. "Now what's all this about ghosts?"

"Is Kuro-myu afraid of ghosts?" Fai joked. Before Kurogane could even get in a protest, Fai continued. "There aren't really going to be ghosts in this chapter, it's just a joke." Fai stood, brushed off his pants, and promptly sat on Kurogane's lap, crossing his legs.

"Get off me, you little creep!" Kurogane shouted, trying to push Fai off again. Fai wouldn't budge so easily this time.

"Sheesh. I wonder what your fangirls would do without you," I rolled my eyes and leaned against the wall with my arms crossed.

Kurogane muttered insults at Fai under his breath and tried pushing him off with his elbow, to no avail. "I think they might just have a conniption if we up and disappeared," he growled.

Fai giggled. "Well, well, Kuro-silly, whatever did they do _before_ they knew about us?" he asked.

I put a finger to my lips in thought. "I think I know the answer to that."

"You can tell me after I get this moron off of me," Kurogane hissed. Fai just leaned back comfortably, immune to Kurogane's attempts to budge him. I had the feeling I would have to wait a while before I could tell Kurogane exactly what CLAMP's yaoi fangirls did before Kurogane and Fai were invented.

Moments later, there was a knock on the door and Fai stood up in an instant. "Finally," Kurogane breathed as the blonde crossed the room to open the door. Two young men were standing there, one of whom I glomped moments after he entered.

"Toya~! I was just talking about you!" I squealed.

"You were?" Kurogane asked.

"She was?" Toya asked.

"Well, yes, of course I was," I said, still clinging to Toya and once again displaying my resemblance to Fai.

"No you weren't, Asuka-chan, last time I checked, you were talking about what CLAMP's yaoi fangirls did before they discovered me and Kuro-pon," Fai pointed out.

I waved a hand in dismissal, allowing Toya to escape my grasp and sit on the couch. "Well yes, that's what they did, they were Toya/Yuki fans." Toya's eyes widened.

"They what?" he asked. Yukito chuckled and sat next to Toya, a little closer than Toya's personal space limits would allow anyone besides Yukito.

"Yeah, and for good reason," I said, so quietly that no one could hear. The word 'fanservice' came to mind in the very same thought as 'Toya and Yukito'.

Yukito looked up and glanced at me with a sort of funny expression. "Asuka…" he began.

"What?" I asked.

"Are there really going to be ghosts in this chapter?"

**Asuka: Lame ending, I know. I just couldn't think of anything else.**

**Fai: I think there should be ghosts in the next chapter. **

**Asuka: THERE ARE NO GHOSTS, I TELL YOU! **

**Kurogane: I think Asuka is the one who's afraid of ghosts.**

**Asuka: I'm more afraid of the ghosts of fangirls past than anything, personally. Especially yaoi fangirls.**

**Fai: Well, you know what they say about a fangirl scorned. **


	17. Chapter 16: Conventionality

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: Asuka does not own any of the animes that may be mentioned in this fanfic. Especially not Tsubasa. **

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Conventionality**

**This chapter is in Fai's point of view, by the way.**

Asuka was currently turning cartwheels in the living room. Should I even ask why? Probably not, I'd just get a load of fangirlism exploded in my face. Anyway, I was the one writing the chapter this time. Mostly because Asuka asked if I would record this chapter, because she would be too busy fangirling at every given moment. Why?

We were going to an anime convention.

"You're going to break something! Stop cartwheeling!" Kuro-chi warned. Asuka stopped, but started bouncing up and down hyperactively instead. I laughed.

"Excited much?" I asked. She nodded and continued bouncing. Kuro-sama sighed, looking like he wanted to bang his head against the wall. Well, I wasn't going to let my big puppy get himself hurt like that! He didn't bang his head on the wall anyway, which gave me no need to deter him.

But really, me deterring Kuro-tan from anything wouldn't exactly work, would it?

I think in the size department, he's got me beat. And also the muscles department. And the loudness one. And he says _I'm _loud. When he's yelling about random things, he's much louder than I am! Silly Kuro-pon.

"Hey, wait," Asuka said. She stopped bouncing and frowned as she looked at us.

"Hm?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Who are you guys gonna cosplay!" Asuka asked, seemingly rather worried about said issue. Kuro-wan stared at her like she'd grown a third arm.

"Who the heck do you THINK we're going to cosplay! OURSELVES!" he shouted. Asuka looked like she suddenly realized something.

"Oh… wait, then do I have to fight Kurogane in an epic battle?"

"Asuka… what are you talking about?" I asked, having no idea what epic battles had to do with anything.

She sighed exasperatedly. "I'm cosplaying _Kamui_, you guys. Kamui fought Kurogane when they met, remember?"

"Of course I remember!" Kuro-buro shouted.

I laughed. "I was hiding behind a rock then~!" I trilled.

"Go hide behind a rock now before I hit you over the head with one," Kuro-scary growled at me. I squealed in fake terror and glomped Asuka.

"Help!" I shouted. "The big bad Kuro-puppy's gonna eat me!"

"Shut up, you moron, I'm not eating anybody, now get in the freaking car so we can go, I don't want to make this stupid trip longer," Kurogane growled, storming out the door. We followed behind him.

"Asuka, you look funny with black hair," I said as we drove. The convention was a couple hours away, and we also had to pick up Asuka's partner-in-vampire-cosplay, Tsukasa.

"Yeah, the wig is Tsukasa's, it's from her Kyoya cosplay. Speaking of Tsukasa, she'd better remember the Gatorade…" Asuka trailed off. She and Tsukasa were bringing red Gatorade to the convention because it was red liquid and therefore somewhat resembled blood. And since Kamui and Subaru (Tsukasa was cosplaying Subaru) were vampires, blood was important. Asuka, fortunately, had never met the real Kamui. She'd probably hug him.

Most vampires, it seems, don't like hugs very much.

That's a little depressing. I like hugs! Even though I'm not a vampire any more…

Whoops, were those spoilers?

It didn't seem like too long before we were pulling into the driveway of Tsukasa's huge house. Asuka jumped out of the car and went to hug her "twin" yelling "Subaru!" as she did.

"I did bring the Gatorade," Tsukasa was saying as the girls returned to our car, tossing Tsukasa's bag in the back. They sat in the back seat of the car, and me and Kuro-puu were in the front. I decided not to poke him while he drove. That would make him all mean and scary! Kyah~!

Asuka and Tsukasa were talking about _something_ in the back. I'm not really sure what, I really should brush up on my fangirl-ese. Although, does anyone really understand what fangirls are saying these days? Kuro-chama sure doesn't. Anyway, they were saying something about some guy… I think his name was Vic.

Why on Earth were they so worked up about him?

By the time we pulled into the convention center's parking lot, I had fallen asleep, curled up in my fluffy cloak. That's the advantage of cosplaying myself, I got to wear my old clothes from Celes. They had been a little worse for wear, but after running through the washing machine they looked like the best cosplay of me on the face of the earth. I had to say, I was excited for the convention. Watching after Asuka was going to be, as Kuro-sama put it, 'a pain', but at least she had more sense than some of the… erm… other fangirls we knew of.

Kuro-chan not-so-nicely woke me up by opening the door so I nearly fell out (since I was leaning on it). I landed mostly on him, anyway. Serves him right! I stretched.

"So, do you two know where our hotel room is?" I asked.

"Kuro-kuro probably knows," Asuka replied nonchalantly, taking her camera out of the bag at her waist.

"Yeah, and you're lucky I do or you three would be totally lost," he growled.

Asuka shrugged and started walking inside, Tsukasa trailing behind her, trying to make sure that her tailcoat didn't get caught on anything. Me and Kuro-chu followed the two of them quickly. It wasn't hard for someone to get lost in a place like this.

"I'm surrounded by freaks," Kuro-myu muttered. "Some of them are even weirder than _you_, I think," he said to me. I chuckled.

"I concur," I replied. "But, Asuka really likes going to cons, so I figured we should come along to one. You read manga all the time, you must know how into it people can get."

"I don't need to read manga to know 'how into it people can get', I live with Asuka!" Kuro-pup replied.

"Aww, do something nice for your daughter sometime, won't you?" I said cheerfully, and then skipped ahead to catch up with the girls before he could reply. I heard a growl from behind me, a telltale sign that my puppy was being a good boy and following us. "Kuro-chan's going to scare away the fangirls, ne?"

"Nah, even he can't do that," Asuka said.

"Fangirls are beings without fear," Tsukasa replied.

"Oh great," Kuro-puu muttered from behind us.

It wasn't long before we were attacked by a group of fangirls wanting to hug us and take pictures of us. Apparently we were 'amazing cosplayers'. Apparently they didn't realize that we weren't cosplayers at all.

Then, Asuka ran off, yelling something about 'Vic Mignona'. What was the big deal with that guy, anyway?

**Ahaha, what's the big deal? He's only YOUR VOICE, Fai! *sigh* I love Vic's voice… **

**Tsukasa is a real person, and a real fanfiction member. Her profile is here: .net/u/1951245/ go say hello to her! She's my BFF! And we really are cosplaying Subaru and Kamui. **

**Okay, so next chapter, Kurogane, Fai, and Asuka will all be doing… *drumroll* a talk show! Send in questions and we'll answer them to the best of our abilities. Please have all questions in by SATURDAY, JULY 17, as that's when I'm writing it and questions sent in afterwards might not be used! **


	18. Chapter 17: Discussions About Stuff

**How to Annoy Kurogane**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa… I think after this many chapters of saying that, you would know this…**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Discussions…About Stuff…**

"Asuka, our title for this chapter is very vague," Fai said, wandering out of the kitchen with a cookie in his mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Kurogane snapped.

"Yes, it is indeed vague," I replied.

Fai sat on the couch between Kurogane and I. "So, a talk show this time, huh?" Fai chirped.

"Of course!" I said happily, pulling out a sheet of paper with the questions we were supposed to answer written on it. I had this all planned out. They would answer the questions, and we would all get a big laugh out of it if they were awkward questions. It was perfect! Well, at least for me. Kurogane wasn't too pleased.

That's because he's the awkward one.

He's so awkward he's like a freaking turtle!

Anyway. On with the chapter! "Okay, our first few questions are from Zaryenna! By the way, she is awesome, people. I enjoy her reviews! Okay, she asked Kurogane…" I glanced at the paper as Kurogane grumbled about being the first one to have to answer something, "…how did you feel when you sang the song Zankou? I'm so glad someone asked this!" I squealed in happiness. "I CANNOT PHYSICALLY EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT SONG!" Kurogane facepalmed.

"Well, unfortunately, I didn't get the feeling a certain IDIOT was watching!" he shouted, glancing at Fai. "But other than that, I was just singing in the shower. You know, to pass the time and stuff. You should hear _Asuka_ sing in the shower."

"No, they shouldn't!" I shouted in reply. "Alright, she also asked Fai what Kurogane looked like when he was singing."

Fai shrugged. "I don't know. Do you guys think I'm the kind of creeper who would not only listen to someone sing in the shower but _watch_ them?"

Neither of us answered, for fear that Fai wouldn't like our answer too much. He was a little bit of a creeper sometimes…

That aside, I asked the next question. "This is also from Zary, by the way. She asked why Fai grew his hair out in Shunraiki. And then said WHY? WHY!"

"Well, because I was being emo and depressed while we were in Infinity and there was no time for a haircut in Celes and it's kind of hard to get a haircut in 14th century Japan," Fai said.

"So basically procrastination," I added.

"Yeah, pretty much," he sighed.

"Okay, next question is from IceQueen987. She asked Fai what his favorite type of spell is and why," I read from my list of questions.

"I guess I like fighting spells because they're kind of the only ones I'm good at. But I also like useful things like being able to travel across dimensions," Fai answered.

"Or being able to put murderous psychopaths to sleep via magic," Kurogane added.

Fai nodded. "That was useful too," he said. "If I actually could use healing spells, those would be my favorites, though.

I sighed. "You can't even heal a papercut, Fai… Kuro, what do you think is the most effective way to fight?"

"Why are you asking me that?" Kurogane asked.

"Because it's the question! Now answer it!" I said.

"Hm… well a lot of practice will definitely help you out, but I'd say the best way to fight is different for everyone," he said.

"Way to be vague, Kuro-puu," Fai said. "You see, everyone, Kuro-wan fights by intimidation. He acts all scary and growly and tries to scare people into not fighting him!"

"I DO NOT!" Kurogane roared angrily.

"That's exactly what we're talking about," I pointed out. "Anyways, our next question is from FaiofSeresu, who, by the way, is awesome."

"I don't care how awesome she is, what's her question already?" Kurogane demanded to know.

"Fai, do you like your fangirls or do you hate them like Kuro-stupid hates you?" I read.

"What, now you're calling me stupid?" Kurogane asked.

"No, that's what the reader said! I wouldn't call you stupid! You're all perceptive and ninja-y and stuff!" I said in excuse, hoping that Kurogane wouldn't be too mad, because a mad Kuro would be dangerous.

"Well I'll answer the question while Asuka fangirls about Kuro-chama's perceptive…ness. Anyway, I don't hate my fangirls. I like them! Except my yaoi fangirls. They bother me a little bit. But they are funny!"

"I hate them," Kurogane said.

"Nobody asked your about your fangirls," I pointed out.

"No, I hate his fangirls. Much, much, MUCH more than I could ever hate him," Kurogane said. Fai pulled his big puppy eyes out and teared up dramatically.

"Kuro… you don't hate me, do you? Please don't hate me!" he sobbed. Kurogane sighed heavily and rolled his eyes.

"I don't hate you, and I never did," he sighed. "Quit crying like a moron, please. Before I hit you in the face."

"That was cute until the "before I hit you in the face"," I remarked. "Alright, this person also asked Kuro-sama if I was his BEEEEEEST friend."

"NO WAY!" Kurogane shouted.

I sighed. Too bad. "Well, and so you have your answers. Goodbye for now! Asuka-chan out!"

"Fai out too! Kuro-pon. You have to say you're out!"

"You guys are out… OF YOUR MINDS!"

**Asuka: Ta-da! I hope you liked their answers! Next up, our not-so-famous guest star will be returning for a chapter. The debate of whether he wears a dress or not will FINALLY be settled! **

**Fai: Also, we'd like to know if any of you **_**lovely**_** readers would like to guest star in future chapters~! If you would, please leave your name and some information about yourself so Asuka can write you in.**

**Asuka: Your name being the name you'd like us to call you in the chapter… Not your real name. And by "information" he means your gender (or, if you're Ashura and you don't have one… Well, that's just annoying to write pronouns for, so please put your gender) and a description of what you look like and what you'd like to do in the chapter. **


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